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Dad died twelve years ago and for what? It really is time to move on. It took me a long time to realize this. I want Mom to know the truth. She wouldn't believe me once and from all indications she might not now. I'm asking you to help me convince her."She had my full attention. "There is one other person that is involved and would be damaged if this is made public. At this late date, no one in our immediate family will be hurt more than they have been, but it would still destroy him." Roberta, whom are you talking about?" I want to tell you and I will shortly. For the minute, I want to get back to mother. There is also Ginger to be considered. I understand she and mother are quite close." She is. Mom was near a breakdown before Ginger came to live with us. I don't know who has gained the most. Ginger was almost a lost soul when I first met her. She felt unloved and unwanted. Mother felt the same way. I had just finished school, but had to leave the country concerning my work leaving. It wasn't until I started getting ready to leave that I thought about the subway ride home.The conflicted thoughts I experienced really worried me. My first thought was that I should put off leaving for a few minutes and take a later train. But something inside of me demanded that I take my usual train, and my usual car. When I tried to tell myself that I should take a later train, avoid my admirer and behave myself on the way home I experienced a feeling similar to what crack addict must feel when you take away his crack.I experienced and inexplicable feeling of near panic when what remained of my normal brain tried to make me do the right thing. There could be no question now that something was wrong with me. An addiction to adrenalin or an addiction to illicit sex, whatever it was it was unhealthy and scary as hell. But it was apparently no less an addiction than the addiction to drugs. I had to have it!I cleared off my desk and took my purse out of the drawer. I was just about to.
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